Scribble Scrabble

adios blogspot...

2010-10-27T15:23:00.001-07:00

http://thehstar.tumblr.com/

the linkage nonsense wasnt working for me. Daaah ohwell!

Let's go all...the way tonite...

2010-09-19T12:25:00.000-07:00

no regrets, just love

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

perfection

10/23...

2010-09-07T00:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Birthday Fairy,
In no particular order I would like the following.....
peace.love.happiness for everyone
This is kinda like a "duh" situation
Studded vintage combat boots
OR Bess Studded combat boots...whichever you come across first
a Red velvet cheesecake from the cheesecake factory
BlackBook aka SEX in laptop form
gold arm candy
Thank you in advance,
Holly Louise xo

Sleepless in Los Angeles

2010-09-07T00:24:00.000-07:00

Anything before 3am is outta the question

Something of substance..

2010-09-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

Unreal! No other way to descirbe the past few weeks of my life.

For starters I got my internship with AMPRGroup which allowed me to take part in the 2nd annual "She Cares Celebrity Basketball Game" on September 4, 2010. For anyone that doesn't know, The "She Cares Foundation" was founded by the wonderful Yolanda Anderson and is a non-profit organization created to provide support for independent mothers. The past 2 weeks of my life haven't been this crazy/exciting/hectic/fast paced, since my final quarter at FIDM. BUT! I can honestly say I loved every moment of it. I met some amazing people, learned a lot in the process and was able to support/take part in something I am a product of and feel so strongly about. Anyone reading this should definitely do some research on the foundation as well as follow @Myshecares on twitter...you could learn a thing or two.

Hollystar

2010-08-06T21:00:00.001-07:00

I can SHOW you better than I can TELL you

then suddenly its hard to breathe...

2010-08-05T17:37:00.000-07:00

I've never lost anyone, not at the hands of death. Anyone that leaves my life its because I push them out. I'm good at disappearing, I'm good at pushing away. I get it from my mother. Letting go is like breathing.

Two weeks ago I learned (from my 17 year old brother) that my great aunt (my mom's aunt) has lung cancer. My mom's mom (which is my great aunts, sister) died when she was 17 and her father when she was 3. My great aunt basically became my mom's, mom. Until I was 18, I basically lived with her because we were ALWAYS with her. But things happened and tore what little family I had/knew (aside from my mom and brothers) apart.

Immediately I felt myself regretting the 5 years my mom and I went without talking to her or our cousins. Immediately I hated myself for cutting myself off due to ridiculous drama and never reaching out even though I wanted to. I felt myself saying, when it comes to family NOTHING like that should of came between us. Why did I wait so long? Why did it take something so traumatic to bring my family, who I was so close with at one point, back together?

I keep replaying the phone call over in my head. I keep hearing my 2nd cousin (my great aunts daughter) saying. 'I have no one else, I really need for your mom to be here and I know I made mistakes, but if she's willing to forgive me, just please have her call me' And although this brought peace in some way...it still kills me.

The past 2 weeks have been...I don't know, Its like nothing ever happened and everyone changed for the better. BUT yesterday we were told that if my aunt does chemo she has 2-3 years to live, if she doesn't she will live 1 year.

I find myself having selfish thoughts. The possibility that she won't be there for me, Darian, Dominic or my cousin's Haley & Mackenzie's weddings or that my kids won't know her. My mind is going what feels like a bagillion times faster than usual.

Doctors are just Doctors! They aren't God. I go to Church, I've heard people testimony's, I know better. But still I find myself devastated by the fact that someone's placed it in all of our minds, has me on edge.

I've got to stop pushing people away...

imma make you blush...

2010-08-04T19:49:00.000-07:00

True story, aint nothin like the real thing...But ladies, self love is thee best love! and the boyfriend WON'T mind ;)

fine print....

2010-08-04T18:48:00.000-07:00

I have an appetite for destruction

one day...

2010-08-03T16:23:00.000-07:00

I'll own one of these..just for the fuck of it..OR just to fuck in it :)

prt 2

2010-08-03T15:16:00.000-07:00

Do you sleep in sexy little pajamas?
LOL!? I don't own pajamas. Sleeping in clothes is such a pain. I sleep in my panties.

If you could meet anyone dead or alive who would it be?
My grandparents (my mom's mom & dad) they have a pretty fascinating/badass daughter...I can only imagine what they're like.

What inspires you to be YOU?
People! Everyone will respect you more when yourself. I'm not trying to be like anyone but me. I have a few amazing women in my life who I definitely admire and pick up little things from, but to full out adopt the personality of someone else OR to pretend to be something I'm not doesn't sound too appealing. Its like walking around with a padded water bra on, sooner or later everyone's going to find out the truth

Do you do drugs?
Tylenol, coffee, redbull & LOVE ;)

Favorite memory?
My spice girl's themed 12th birthday party. Everyone had to dress up like their favorite spice girl and talk with an accent all day. Then we put on a performance for our parents. Classic!

Favorite soap, shampoo, conditioner, nail polish, deodorant, face wash, perfume, lotion?
Are you going shopping? Soap: Dove Body wash-pomegranate verbena. Shampoo: Sebastian Drenched or Bed Head Moisture Maniac. Conditioner: Sebastian Drenched. Nail Polish: Opi & Essie-the color depends on my mood. Deodorant: Secret or Dove. Face wash: bar of Dove soap. Perfume: Vera Wang princess, Miss Dior Cherie, orr Daisy by Marc jacobs. Lotion: Nivea or Baby lotion..the pink stuff.

Scariest thing that has ever happened to you?
When I was 15 a guy followed me home from school, into my building and rode the elevator with me to my floor. I knew something was up because he seemed really nervous/fidgety and I had thee worst feeling. He waited for me to get into my house and then he came and knocked on my door. Of course I didn't open it and he asked me if I was alone. Next thing I know he started beating and kicking on the door demanding that I let him in. He was yelling at me and saying really inappropriate things and then he disappeared! I guess he thought I'd be dumb enough to open the door but I didn't. Within 5 minutes he was back at my door. I was so hysterical! My female neighbor heard the whole thing and called the police and of course the guy took off before they got there-never to be found.

Guilty Pleasures
The Disney Channel and Nickelodeon even though I'm grown. Maury, JUST the paternity test episodes though, you know the ones like 'I slept with my entire high school basketball team, who's my babies father?' Kettle chips and Justin Bieber...in that order.

Some of your questions answered prt1

2010-08-03T15:09:00.000-07:00

These are all questions people asked me on formspring..

What's the best song to dance to?
wouldn't that be your opinion? Give me a good beat. I like everything & I'll dance to anything. I dance around my house to songs like Akon feat David Guetta: sexy bitch, Cascade: Evacuate, Black Eyed Peas: imma be and Usher's: Omg...I'm sure there's more but those pop in my head.

What's the best song to "get it on" to?
All 161 songs on my 'Nasty Naughty' Playlist. A personal favorite, TLC: Let's Take our time. Mmm And Electrik Red's 9 to 5, is always a good time.

Describe yourself. How do you view yourself?
I'm feisty and I can admit it. I have a smart ass mouth and I've always been sarcastic. My mom tells me I'm 'pure evil' but its always in a jokingly manner. I'm really not THAT evil ;) I just have a low tolerance for stupidity and time wasting. I have a big heart and its a good heart. I'm sweet, I'm caring & loving. Sometimes I love too hard and care too much. I'm extremely loyal, reliable, and hard working. I'm sensitive, awkwardly shy, witty, fun and loud. I'm a great time if you wanna know the truth.

People think I'm? Fill it in.
Crazy! I am crazy. They say there's a fine line between genius and insanity. And anyone great/creative has been labeled INSANE! So, i'll take it. I have an overly creative mind & imagination. I can't sit still long enough because my brain is always creating these thoughts and ideas & I'm sure I have ADHD...

What is your absolute most favorite thing in the world?
Children! If you don't have any in your life, get some! They're truly thee most remarkable little things on the planet and they're so smart, smarter than most adults. You want a pure and honest conversation? Spend 15 minutes with a kid! My little brother also known as my little piece of heaven, is one of thee most amazing kids I have ever met. Truthfully, I'd rather spend all my time with him rather than do the typical 20'somethin year old stuff.

Is it true you're bisexual or were bisexual?
That's false and I honestly never knew that was on peoples minds. I've never been bisexual/bi-curious, but I suppose I can understand where that comes from? Some of my female friends and I jokingly say sexual things on twitter to each other...but we're just being silly.

favorite designers/brands/stores?
I don't have one? Ask me again in about 2 years. When it comes to a brand the only time I care is when it involves my jeans! Joes, Frankie B's, a hudsons, aka the only ones that fit my body right. Stores? Urban outfitters, wasteland, american apparel, Nordstroms (Saavy & BP) H&M, Forever 21 and TARGET! :)

Leave that girl alone...

2010-08-03T15:04:00.000-07:00

Shes all wrong. Shes a mess. That girl has trouble written all over her...

2010-07-16T11:57:00.000-07:00

New Chapter....

2010-07-16T11:29:00.000-07:00

As I reflect back on some of my entries.
I realize how harsh certain parts of my reality really are.
I type my entries, proof read, press publish
And I never read them EVER again.
Because when I blog certain things, it hurts
more than anyone can ever imagine.
Believe it or not, I don't like hurting.
With that pondered upon and said.
I won't be blogging anymore.
I'll just post pictures.
Pictures of pretty things.
everyone likes pretty things.

but atleast im tan...

2010-07-14T00:01:00.000-07:00

I said I was going to sleep exactly 34 minutes ago...I haven't shut my eyes yet. Instead, I'm laying in the middle of the bedroom floor where I can feel my heart beating against my chest and my vision is kinda distorted. Occasionally I'll take deep breaths to keep myself calm and the idea of the bathroom floor being more comfortable-because its cold, keeps crossing my mind. I'm trying to find one thing to focus on and even while typing, it's impossible to keep my mind on just this. If I shut my eyes and fall asleep, I give my mind ALL control. My mind plays tricks on me and I hate not being in control. If I stay awake, the events of this evening will keep replaying and that's devastating. I'm fully aware and have to accept that even when I am awake, I'm not entirely in control, only slightly. Today was a roller coaster and when it dropped, of course I didn't speak up, I never do! So I was forced and pressured into to something I didn't want to do...and now I'm here. On the verge of tears and a panic attack so stupid! It took me almost an hour to type this. Sometimes I wish I didn't have problems...I wish I was normal. At this point, I just feel crazy. I need therapy.

rundown slowly...

2010-07-06T23:58:00.000-07:00

'...Beauty is a light in the heart' one of my newest tattoos.

The full quote by Khalil Gibran states that, 'Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.' Its self explanatory. I absolutely adore the quote and I had better, it is now permanently on my skin. Lol!

What's the other tattoo you ask? A monte carlo on my inner thigh, with my boyfriend aka baby daddy's name in cursive on the hood. Yeah, no, NEVER!
Actually, its a Peace sign and to you...its just a peace sign but it means so much more to me...

Now for the real purpose of my entry; to talk about my amazing weekend! If we're being honest, I do not remember Friday-so skip it! Saturday my boys ShawnChrys, Will & Kenny threw one of thee biggest pool parties I've ever heard of/been to. I'm talking gorgeous house, fully stocked bar, bbq, fresh fruit-aka heaven, other amazing goodies, an amazing dj And it was all free! Sooo Lol, niggas were all over it. They had to stop letting people in and thee front lawn/street looked somethin' SERIOUS! We had way too much fun and of course I got my suntan on. Anytime I'm with my boys its a good time until they start trying to liquor me up! But they always make sure I'm well taken care of.

Sunday (the 4th) I opened my eyes at 9am only to fall asleep and 'nap' for 3 more hours. No! I wasn't hungover, I was just exhausted and really sore. It was such a task to get out of bed and when I finally did it was 3:30pm. I finally left the house and headed to my friends, family's house for a BBQ. I don't have a 'big' family. Its always just been my mom and my 2 younger brothers, so I'm always a little iffy/overwhelmed, but it turned out being so cute and alotta fun...also! If you have never had pink panties, I suggest you get your life in order.

After the bbq, I ended up at a friends house in North Hollywood to watch the fireworks on her roof, night swim and also to be traumatized by some of the worst youtube videos I have ever seen! Can I just say, I will NEVER look at horse or masturbate (yes I went there) the same way EVER! again. But we definitely had a lot of fun.

While I'm on the subject of amazingness and greatness. Last November I posted an entry about how it's difficult for me to open up to people & confide in them. Anytime I have it's been used against me or the world found out. I don't care who you are or what you tell me--there are some things you will NEVER know about me...I don't know what the heck happened? but God sent me this cute little angel, who I adopted as my big sister and she has thee most beautiful heart--and face annnd body! and the best laugh EVER!! She is all around absolutely amazing! Remember that this is coming from someone who ALWAYS has their guard up: From the moment I met her, I knew she was special. I was so happy when I got back on Sunday and she was there. I don't know what it is and I'm not going to question it. I like knowing that there is someone, who if I ever had something on my mind, absolutely driving me up the wall! I could tell her and not have to worry because all she would do is listen and give her advice. When God put's people in your life its for a reason and you aren't supposed to ask questions anyway, just accept it and appreciate it, especially when they're as great as this one individual is. I can only hope that one day I can be as awesome as she is. Its NEVER been this easy for anyone to get a spot in my heart, but you my dear, have one always! ♥♥

Whenever I say quick update, its never quick! But I get so caught up in typing...
Sleepytime xo

TMI anyone?

2010-06-16T13:18:00.000-07:00

it is what it is...

Ever since Tuesday June 9th, I had been having these sharp pains and aches that I had been feeling throughout my pelvic area, tummy, back, and sides. I am such a weird sleeper that I assumed that the pains were because of the circus freak positions I sleep in. On Saturday June 12th I woke up and the pains were really bad-once again I assumed I either slept wrong or that I was getting sick, so I took Tylenol and went about my day.. After a long day of working, meetings, running errands, and fittings, something hit me and I knew I didn't feel well. All I remember is coming home and waking up the next morning...after a little Google research (thank you Lili aka @L_star22) I decided that I had a lovely UTI. Because On the 8th due to laziness & the fact that I was sleeping SO good and didn't want to get out of bed to go to the restroom, when I KNEW I had to go really bad-I held my bladder. DON'T EVER FUCKING DO THAT! Anyways, I followed all the little Google instructions and on Sunday June 13th I woke up feeling fine but decided to keep taking my pills and drinking nothing but my water and cranberry juice...which is really hard because I live on coffee and redbulls. Monday morning came and I could barely stand up..but I try to be a fuckin rider at all times (especially when there's work to be done) and pushed thru the pain all day. When I got home around 10:45pm I realized I hadn't eaten all day..only to matter of fact myself and say "when was the last time I ate PERIOD!?" I started feeling really nauseous only to be told that both of those symptoms are signs of a UTI getting worse. Between all of that and the pain, I knew I was going to have to go to the emergency room asap. Tuesday morning came and I was up by 5am-NOT because I was like 'time to go to the hospital' but because I was in thee worst fuckin pain ever. Ive never given birth, but I'm sure my pain was probably the same. To make matters worse it was all in my stomach, back, and sides so I could barely stand, let alone walk and taking a shower was so horrible. I called my mom crying because I knew had to go to the hospital and I really didn't want to go because I was afraid to find out what was really wrong with me..BUT my friend ended up rushing me to the emergency room anyway.

7:18 I checked in and was on the verge of tears, hyperventilating, and curling up in fetal position on the ER floor. The cute little doctor came in and asked me a trillion and one fricken questions... 'are you sexually active?' *crosses my eyes* while trying to find my date of birth on my paperwork, she shouts "wait, how old are you!?" Me: uhhhh 23? Her: you look 16...and then she gave me serious side eye. and asked to see my ID. Last time I checked Karen was my mother....NOT this woman! They gave me hospital fashions, a cute little cup & a lovely pelvic exam-which I will admit... I bbm'd my mom like the big ass baby I am and was like 'I'm walking out right now, I can wait to see my own doctor on the 32nd of next month..I am not letting a stranger anywhere near my coco.' And can I also say how being told to, 'just relax' does not help me relax at all! man that exam was a fight & hurt like hell. The fight may have been normal but the pain according the the Dr. clearly was NOT and something was definitely not right..

I had to wait -forever of course- for the test results to come back before they could do anything to help my pain and the odd shit I was doing on the hospital bed to make myself 'not hurt' was not helping at all. FINALLY the doctor came in my room and told me that I had a "Bacterial UTI" which is the result of a bruised urethra-caused by the little activity I partook in on the 8th...*sweet smile* She told me that why it happens isn't entirely clear-I have a prediction of my own as to why my urethra is bruised, but lets keep it PG! She did say condoms may be a contributing factor which can cause the infection-which totally makes me not even wanna use them anymore...JUST KIDDING! She then explained how serious UTI's are and luckily I came in when I did because my kidneys and obviously my urethra had started to swell, which is why I was in so much pain. Then the nurse came in and told me she was going to give me a shot that would fight/get rid of the infection and take down the swelling-all I wanted to know was 'where are you sticking that thing and is it going to make me stop hurting.' She then told me once the swelling went down I would no longer hurt, but my muscles would ache and that it had to go in my lower back side side. I need to know the street name for watever the hell was in that shot! in less than 5 minutes I was feeling too good! The Doctor wrote me a prescription for my antibiotics, ibuprofen, and claritin...I mean.....since Im here, lets just take care of my allergies too. She told me to 'PLEASE! try to be careful next time'<-LOL! to NOT hold my pee and to go home and rest. Then I was released!

If you know me, you already know that as soon as I hopped my ass in the car..... I was back to working! I went home, took a shower and went straight to a fitting. I did manage to get in bed and sleep at 11 last night and I woke up feeling 100. I should probably eat and take this ibuprofen tho because I am starting to ache a little bit. alrighty then!

I felt like blogging but didnt know what to say...

2010-06-10T22:45:00.000-07:00

25 randoms about me? Yeah I think so. Ready, set, go!

1. I can't sit still long enough to try and watch tv or go sit in the movies. So I DVR everything & just wait for movies to come out on dvd....that way I can rewind.

2. I have a great appreciation for alone time...I love the people in my life more than anything, but silence and alone-ness keeps me sane.

3. No matter what time I fall asleep I'm a morning person/early bird and always have been..I'm just super quiet for a few hours.

4. When people compliment me it makes me so uncomfortable.

5. Believe it or not, I am really shy. If you've never been around me, don't let what you read on my blog/twitter/formspring fool you. Its totally who I am but the personality doesn't come out right away.

6. Me no likey jelly, syrup, mayo, bbq sauce, ranch, ketchup or any other weird ass dipping sauce. Mustard is the only condiment I need. Any kind of mustard! Ill eat it off the spoon.

7. I'm a really picky/strange eater. I tend to stray away from the typical foods that 'everyone loves.' Like pizza, I really don't like it.

8. Mexican food is my absolute favorite food. I could eat it everyday

9. When it comes to kissing I definitely know my shit ;) I always take charge. I love kissing! The right kisser will get me in a world of trouble.

10. I trust very few people & I trust differently. To me trust has nothing to do with 'telling people things'--I don't have to trust you to tell you stuff, ill tell anyone anything. OF COURSE I have my secrets. Me coming to you and asking you your advice or opinion on something going on with me-that's when you know I trust you.

11. Even though I look super young without it, I will not wear makeup unless I'm going to an event. I absolutely hate the shit and truthfully I get the most compliments when I don't have it on. The secret is to just drink tons of water! Water works wonders.

12. I am without a doubt addicted to coffee...if I don't have my morning cup I will have thee worst headache.

13. I am the definition of OCD

14. I am truly madly deeply in love with everyone I consider a part of my life.

15. Although I am on the cusp, sexually I am a full blown scorpio...we're a fuckin problem maaan.

16. I'm not big on the club scene they really do give me thee worst anxiety. I'd rather have a chill dinner & drinks with friends along with good conversation.

17. Warm brownies and vanilla bean ice cream are thee absolute truth.

18. My ipod has a playlist for almost anything...I even have a shower time playlist

19. I'm a sucker for a sweet person...they make me melt!

20. I don't like combing/doing my hair. I officially locked the blow dryer & flat iron away for the summer and am rocking the curls. Mixed chicks and this little product called 'Gorilla Snot' are heaven sent!

21. A few people have confessed that before they knew me, they assumed I was going to be really mean. #ouch! I really am a nice person...unless you try me. Do NOT try me.

22. I make a meaaaannn Jolly Rancher Margarita

23. I have this issue of needing to feel something against me while I sleep. When I was little (because of how my bed was) I could press my body against the wall. Now if I'm sleeping alone, I'll wrap myself (strategically) in one of my blankets or I have a pillow in between my thighs.

24. I love Dove soap/body wash. I grew up on the regular scent but recently the Dove 'pomegranate & lemon verbena' body wash has become somethin' SERIOUS!! In my life. I have 3 bottles of it.

25. Its really obnoxious...If I start to hum around you and there's NO music playing, be very afraid. You're boring me.

MmmMmmm

2010-06-08T00:21:00.000-07:00

I like when you work me like that, Like a 9 to 5.... Oh boy work me like that, Make me feel so right

what we do when we visit Oakwood ave...

2010-06-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

when we SHOULD be working on the line....
look at my muscle...THIS is the reason for the following...well, this, coffee, and NO sleep
we decided to Tag DC's living room wall at 3am
I love this picture for obvious reasons such as, my panties are showing because I wear no pants
....Palmolive a sponge...and FRECKLESSSSSS!!!
Nobody know's why that off ass child has that dress wrapped on her head.
No makeup
I will be signing up for eHarmony & using this photo...
This one too!
can anyone take a NORMAL picture?!
Hollystar
muah

UPS is trying to kill me...

2010-06-07T12:07:00.000-07:00

& Tmobile is the accomplice...

I strongly dislike Tmobile and if you ever had a Sidekick you know why! My idea of a fun time is not to go days without service, to call customer service and have an automated message tell me "Your approximate wait time is 3 days 23 hours 59 minutes and 59 seconds" because everyone who has Tmobile is also on hold. Originally I had Verizon...but I'm not rich yet and paying $200 dollars a month for my blackberry? yeah, no! forget that. Tyrone Mobile really does have the better plans and that whole "sign a 2 year contract, get the blackberry bold for FREE!" wasn't too bad either. OF COURSE! I would NOT be HOLLY unless I went through hell and back for this damn phone!

1st. It HAD to be ordered offline to get the deal so I already knew I was going to be waiting.
2nd. They were all, we're outta white and after eternity, they found one!
3rd. I couldn't find my ID and had the woman on hold for like, no lie, at least 40 minutes. if I was her, I woulda hung up on me.
4th. (My favorite part out of all of this) I failed the first set of security questions they wanted to ask to make sure nobody was trying to steal my identity...apparently I know NOTHING about me or my life.

According to UPS and their nifty tracking device, my phone has departed from Texas and should be here tomorrow. 2-5 business days is no joke kids....

True Story...

2010-06-04T11:07:00.000-07:00

There are not enough hours in the day. I haven't really slept since the 28th of May which is also the last time I was at my own home, in my own bed. I will literally fall asleep watching the sun rise and then be back up working by 8am, I'll work until around 8:30pm and then get ready for whatever the night brings-Last night was Dinner... kinda business, kinda not-at Citizen Smith with thee gorgeous Lesley Lewis. I think we got home at like 12:30am and it was RIGHT back to work. If we could just get some redbulls and a coffee maker in this place..I'd be GOOD! yeah...Im forsure making a Target run today.

The unsettling feeling that I have been holding on to since September 2009 has passed and been replaced with true happiness and that's probably the best part out of all of this mess. As exhausted as I'm am...and Lord knows my ass is worn out, I'm really loving every minute of it and it feels really good. and yeah..theres my quick little update. xo

Lesley Nicole Lewis...She's sweeter than sugar :)
Even if I don't reach all of my goals, I've gone higher than I would have if I hadn't set any.-Danielle Fotopulis

My Girl Crush is better than yours....

2010-05-27T15:09:00.000-07:00

"feelings of admiration. which a girl has for another girl, a NONsexual attraction"

So a few months ago someone asked me on formspring if I had a 'Girl Crush' and I was all "No!" cuz I thought that was the dumbest thing in the world & I really didnt think I had one. But now I have to change my damn answer and take back all the shit I was talking to my friends who have had girl crushes because THIS happened!

Naomi Allen is a life ruiner...

I know my role & I play it well...

2010-05-27T14:28:00.000-07:00

How should I put this...

2010-05-27T14:17:00.000-07:00

uh oh!

2010-05-27T11:38:00.000-07:00

I made a formspring and forgot about it. This Morning I logged on and I had/have questions from up to 4 months ago that have NOT been answered. YIKES! if you're reading this and you asked me a question...Know that I am TOTALLY working on it as we speak! and if you'd like to ask a question. http://www.formspring.me/Hollystar

This is not a game people...

2010-05-06T10:27:00.000-07:00

Im obsessed!

posted the day after it was typed....

2010-05-06T10:16:00.000-07:00

[insert any kind of strange sound effect here] ...I'm so freaking exhausted, my sleep pattern is so screwed! I think I fell asleep this morning around 5am and was back up around 8:30am! Anytime I do try and fall asleep at a decent hour, I do it with clothes on. But then I wake up freezing and neeeiighhkidd because I rip my clothes off in my sleep. I can't win.

Okay so I felt the need to update my own blog, before I set this interview with up & coming designer Deniseea Christine & contribute my other insanities to vibrantdoll[dot]com. <--check out the site!!! Which is featured on Concreteloop & The creator Bionca is pretty fuckin dope.

Lately there has been alotta "scheme scheme plot plot" going on in my life. I'm on a mission folks! Other than that I've just been practicing the choreography...I mean gyrating from Ciara's "Ride" video and trying to figure out how I'm gonna get a stripper pole installed in my-yanno what? We aren't gonna talk about that....

I can however! Talk about how I finally saw Electrik flippin Red perform on April 29th. *flatlines for 10 seconds* okay I'm back! While waiting for the ladies, I met a girl named Molly :) who had never even heard of Electrik Red. I was almost sure! she was from mars when those words came out of her mouth. Of course the LA street team had to put her up on game (we were armed and dangerous with our clip boards!) We played her some songs from the handy iPhone and had her sign up for updates and stuff. At that point, she was a little excited to see what all the hoopla was about.

Once we got inside molly and I stood next to eachother-frontmuthafuckinrow-practically on the stage OF COURSE!! Ain't no place I'd rather be, when ER's in the building. I was so busy pretending to be the 5th member-which shot my voice to hell! But can't nobody tell me nothinn ;] lol! Occasionally, I'd Look over at Molly and I could tell-our girl was HOOKED!

Those ladies worked the stage like you couldn't imagine. It's one thing to see peoples footage of their previous shows, totally another to see it for yourself. Like, these are 4 of thee baddest bitches in the game right now. 4 beyond talented&beautiful women who I idolize-right here, In my face! *flatlines one more time.* I was in awe every song because my girls do NOT miss a beat! They make me proud to rep as hard as I do for them.

After the show Molly looked at me, jaw on the floor and shouted something likeeee..."I fuckin love these girls what the fuck!!? Will the street team email me and tell me when their perfoming again!? I need their album!" It was the cutest reaction ever.

I was really excited (how cheesy does that sound?!) for a chance to see the girls after the show (especially Naomi-- didn't happen.) But I did get to meet Lesley & Binkie who are hands down two of thee coolest/sweetest chicks I have ever met.

Binkie stayed on the stage after performing and mingled & hugged us all! Totally kickin it with the homies. Oh man! And the picture taking... Somewhere out there, some fabulous gay has a camera filled with pictures of him and thee beautiful Binkie posing, being all "Vogue" on stage. shout out to Binkies amazing personality, boobs and pasties. I met them aswell ;]

Lesley is the cutest little thing! You either wanna pick her up and swing her around, squeeze her, pinch her cheeks, or take a picture of her face to Dr. 90210 and say "make me
look like this please." The bone structure/features on that woman are ridiculous.

And thank you to Les who confirmed what my mother tells me all the time....uggghh my ass is always posing and/or giving "face" as binkie said. I honestly DON'T! realize I'm doing It :/ blee blee blaaah!! I'll work on it.

Thanks ladies for an amazing show!! Im looking forward to thee next one :) xo

Okay it's midnight, my nails/toes are smurf blue, I'm covered in glitter, Roseanne is on tvland but I cant hear it because... Faith: "soon as I get home" is in my ears.--nobody needed to know that!? All Im thinking about is...BED!! I'll post this sometime tomorrow.

Besos

Why is a woman's sexuality always under so much scrutiny?

2010-04-08T12:35:00.000-07:00

*Sigh* So this morning while I was sipping my coffee and catching up on today's gossip amongst other things, I came across a video on theYBF.com of ex 3LW member & Cheetah Girl Kiely Williams giving us her "2cents" as she put it, on her video "Spectacular." I won't bore you with the explanation video BUT "Spectacular" itself is pretty interesting.

Apparently Kiely's created quite an uproar (as us women tend to do) once we get a little too risqué for peoples liking. Why!? Can Trey Songz release a video that's practically soft porn but as soon as a female releases a video like Kiely's or sings a song like ….well, anything by Electrik Red (lol) they get called all types of names and are said to be "sending the wrong message to young girl's."

Christina Aguilera got it the worst in 2002 when she got "Dirrty" and released "Stripped." To this day in my opinion, that is one of the best albums ever & not because her voice is simply amazing but because the album is REAL. Although Christina "softened" up in 2006 with her release of "Back to Basics" she had a track on the album titled "Still Dirrty."

We do not live on imagination island people. The truth of the matter is some women like sex the same way men like sex, some of us even talk about sex the way men talk about it-“Y'all don't fuck us, n*gga we fuck you.” *gasp!* soooo shocking, I know. Another truth is, as perfect as most of us women are (Kat Stacks & Nicki Minaj ain’t included in this) Sometimes we do things like what Kiely is singing about. That video is real life and as long as you’re a member of a place called planet earth, reality is gonna slap you occasionally. How can anyone be shocked at the fact that girls get way too inebriated and they go home with guys they don’t know and have unprotected sex? Yeah, hi-Girls have unprotected sex without being drunk! HELLO!! This is why we have so many little mistakes-I mean…gifts from God runnin around. It’s also why we have shows like “Teen Mom” “16 and pregnant” and DON’T even get me started on that movie, “The Pregnancy Pact.” <--all of these shows & that movie are REAL life. You can't make this shit up!

Song lyrics and a video DON’T make someone anything other than relatable to someone out there-NO MATTER WHAT THEYRE SINGING ABOUT! Sex, cheating, heartbreak, whatever. And just because these artist do release these songs does not necessarily mean they're doing what they're singing about. Anyone who can listen to these women who have these “jaw dropping” songs without thinking twice about it or passing judgment clearly have a more firm grip on reality. It is what it is. So how can anyone be mad? How can anyone point a finger? Are you angry because someone shed a little light on the truth? How can any of these women be sending the wrong message about
R E A L I T Y?

with that said and done I leave you with one of my favorite songs off Christina's Stripped album ;)

When shit gets real...

2010-04-07T14:01:00.000-07:00

Thank you to my dedicated readers who have reached out to me and told me how much they appreciate my blog-because its REAL. I NEVER expected anyone to really "appreciate" the things I blog? For a minute I really thought it was a waste of my time. Everyone has a story and if you choose to share it or not thats totally your choice. 99% of the time my comments are turned off and that isnt because Im worried about what someone may say to me, I value all opinions/comments-but the truth is how many of you would actually comment? How many of you would actually say something worth saying? But if you do have something to say feel free to email me :)

lou.tanner@gmail.com

Close my eyes..let the whole thing pass me by...

2010-04-07T09:27:00.000-07:00

Last night I listened to a girl talk about her anxiety/depression/panic attacks. She can’t work because she’s so afraid, she gets really sick, she goes to therapy, she gets hospitalized, she blacks out, she blames everything on herself, and of course she feels like it’s the reason why her Ex boyfriend cheated on her. It was a bit of emotional experience for me because I looked at her and listened to her stories and thought to myself “this could totally be me.”

I had simply gone to the doctor to get a physical for Swim (I was on the team in 9th&10th grade) and I literally blacked out. At the age of 15 doctors diagnosed me with anxiety/slight depression. They wanted to give me all these medications and run all these tests but my mother refused. Some people get put on these medications and their bodies become immune to them, the dosage can only get so high and eventually you turn to other things…stronger things. Her co-worker was a perfect example; doctors diagnosed her with anxiety, depression, and said she was bipolar. She told me how she was a recovering drug addict and alcoholic because her medications just weren’t helping anymore and she needed something stronger. Before all of this, I used to take Tylenol or Advil until I felt numb-if the bottle said not to exceed 12 within 24 hours, I was going to take 11 ½ within those 24 hours. One day I took one too many Xenadrine (yes the weight loss pills and that’s a whole nother story) after THAT whole ordeal I was so through with pills. At 15 I knew better, I knew I didn’t want to become dependent on 2 different types of extremely high dosed medications. By the time I got into FIDM I was working 2 jobs, interning, and going to school full time. My schoolwork alone was enough to drive me insane between all my projects, presentations, and tests…I couldn’t even walk down the street without having a panic attack. At 18 I went to my doctor told him my problem (all while showing no signs of anything) and he told me, “I’m going to get you something to calm you down.” JUST LIKE THAT! Within an hour I had Ativan (lorazepam) in my possession. The effects of this medication are unbelievable-Anxiolytic: helps with the anxiety, Amnesic: fucks with your memory-yeah I don’t know WHY that’s in a medication. Sedative/Hypnotic: it completely alters your personality and it basically made me mute, I did what I needed to do and then came home and went to sleep. Anticonvulsant: aka mood stabilizers, this is used on people who are bipolar. Of course my cute little pill wasn’t complete without the added muscle relaxant. Not to mention I lost 20 something pounds because I had no appetite. I believe I was on the medication for a little over a month and then my mom took it from me, threatened my life, and flushed it down the toilet. We had an intervention and all I could think about while everyone was lecturing me was, “How am I going to make it through school now?” I really don’t know what came over me, but I began telling myself that my anxiety is all mental-and it’s insane how powerful and strong your mind is but you really do have all the control. Of course I made it through school and graduated in 2009 with a 4.0 gpa ;) I still have anxiety and slight OCD, but only before certain things. I.e.; when I get in the car I put on my seatbelt, start it, and breathe for a few minutes before I can actually drive. In doing this I feel like I’m preventing myself from having a panic attack…I don’t know if I really would have a panic attack if I didn’t do this beforehand but then again why risk it?

& yeah...that’s my little story

will work for...

2010-04-06T16:52:00.000-07:00

I hate asking people for things, so I don’t do it. For the past couple of months too many of my friends have been trying to “help” me…I DO not NEED/WANT your help. Naturally, nothing is more irritating to me then when people make me feel like a fucking charity case. Even if some of you don’t do it intentionally, I understand that you "know my story" and feel "sympathetic" for me-but honestly I’m fine and don’t need/want for anything. If you hadn’t figured out why I keep my life PRIVATE by now... This is exactly why! I keep so much bottled up, because once someone knows a little piece they feel like they have to do stuff for me. Just be my fucking friend! It just makes me not trust you and it makes me not want to tell anyone anything...people take that shit and run with it. 4 years ago I probably would have gladly accepted everyone’s handouts and loved every minute of people feeling sorry for me, today I’m a different person. I have always been independent, I’ve never been spoiled and anything that I have or want I work for it. NOBODY hands me shit! The quicker YOU all come to terms with that, the better off we'll all be. Yeah okay, my story is a sad one to all who know it! Guess what, it isn’t sad to me and it hasn’t broken me. I AM NOT BROKEN! I’m a strong girl so when everyone’s trying to "help me" it makes me feel like you think I’m this like fragile little thing who can’t handle shit. EXCUSE YOU, I have dealt with more than any of you can imagine and that’s what’s so insulting. I’ve had everything and I have had nothing. I have watched my life get ripped away from me. I’ve been poor, I’ve been homeless, I’ve been mistreated and lied to all at the hands of my father-and I can go on and on and on about all the "bad shit" that has happened in my life..But how boring would that be? I wish more than anything, that people would realize that just because "bad things" happen it doesn’t mean you have to stop living and being who you are. I have never lost sight of who I am and what I will be in any of the stuff I've been through. The more everyone keeps pressing me about doing me a "favor" the more annoyed I become-that’s more annoying to me than ANYTHING! And until you have been where I’ve been, you won’t understand. I’m happy and I’m fine. I know that everything in life happens for a reason and I haven’t been put through anything that I couldn’t handle. If I felt sorry for myself do you really think I'd be the way I am? I would have laid down and died by now. There is NOTHING wrong with me or my life...

Young moolaaaa baybaaaayy

2010-04-02T11:14:00.000-07:00

Nothing says entertainment like an angry (she mad) groupie ass trainwreck with breast implants that weigh more than her. She's a true gem! "You can suz-suzcrive to my website." "You know I was drunk off grey gooose." This is what happens when you dont go to school kids. Being a groupie & being ratchet is not a talent.

"You betta ask Diddy who he named ciroc after!"

Miley Cyrus Fan....

2010-04-02T11:00:00.000-07:00

*Random* that VEST! This is like the 4th thing miley has worn that I also have...

Guilty as charged!

O.P.I

2010-04-02T10:36:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up and all I could think about was Nail Polish! O.P.I is definitely my fav brand and I absolutely adore the names they pick for their colors.
Shorts story
got a date to knight
no room for the blues
Gargantuan Green Grape
I sat on the O.P.I website, "tried on" different colors, and these are my final 4. Yes! 4 -I originally had 13. Hollystar will be out today in search of these. Happy firday loves :0)

something personal....

2010-03-30T14:50:00.000-07:00

"I have started this email a million and one times because I never knew how to word it...im not even sure I will this time either. Im hoping I can actually get through this email without selecting all and pressing backspace. For starters I want to apologize just because I feel like situation that I take full responsibility for (because I was just angry and being a bitch) is entirely my fault. I feel like I really messed up and I lost someone that I did/do care about deeply. over the past few months of living with someone else, I have learned that I dont know how to express myself at all, Im horrible at it. Ive done a lot of self reflection and realized that I am always going to have issues with men unless I get past what my father has done/did-I used to try and fight this and say that im really not screwed up because of him, but I am. I went to church on sunday for the first time in a LONG time, and it was a really emotional experience for me because the topic was relationships-with people in general & I realized alot of things. Im not going to bore you with all of those details but I do want to clarify that in no way was I not attracted to you/did I not "like" you NOR did I not want you in my life FOREVER! friend, boyfriend, husband whatever. I did like you! Like I stated before I had major issues with guys and I just didnt know how to deal with anything. So I did what I always do and found a way to try and push you out of my life entirely-and you arent the only person Ive done this with, I do it to alot of people. I wasnt really upset about any of the material things or the fact that you thought you were attracted to someone else first. NONE of that shit mattered to me at all. I did it because I was haboring anger toward men for what my father did. Ive come to terms with all of that and I realize I need to let all of that go if Im EVER going to be happy...and believe me I want to be happy. I was afraid to get close to anyone in fear of getting hurt. I felt like if I cant trust my dad, how can I trust any man? When I decided that I actually wanted to try and talk to you about this whole thing because I knew I messed up-it wasnt exactly the right opportunity. I wanted more than anything to tell you that night "lets all hang out." but a part of me knew that it was easier said than done. All I could say was "I miss you" and I do miss you More than anything. Im not sending you this email for any other reason than to let you know that I am sorry and Im not sending it in hopes of anything other than my friend back-the way he was there before."

Obsessed?

2010-03-30T12:53:00.000-07:00

So this morning after I got out of the shower, I was going through my panty drawer, after about 5 minutes of pondering which pair I was going to put on today, I started thinking to myself. Am I the only girl who gets super excited about her panties?! Am I the only girl who has a ridiculous spending habit when it comes to her underwear? And then it hit me, I may have a slight problem/addiction/obsession. I pick out my chonies the way people probably pick out their outfits, lots of time and consideration. Not only is that an issue, but the amount of underwear I have is a little insane. I could have a photoshoot and put a few Victoria's Secret catalogs together.

2010-03-30T12:04:00.000-07:00

Toilet Cam

2010-03-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

Everytime I go into a stall or a fitting room, in the midst of doing whatever it is im doing, I always think to myself "imagine theres a hidden camera." Seriously, imagine if some perverted employee hid a camera somewhere in the stall/room you were in? what would the camera capture YOU doing?

I need these in my life....

2010-03-24T11:07:00.000-07:00

hi, you have just been shoe fucked! Tell all your friends.

♥

2010-03-24T11:05:00.000-07:00

CHOP CHOP

2010-03-24T10:14:00.000-07:00

Apparently Ive been under some type of rock and no one has seen me since I took out my 36' long weave and cut my hair back in January? Either that orrrr everyone is just way inebriated when they see me. I have GOT! to get sober friends and start going out during the daytime more. If any of you have ever seen my youngest brother Dominic's hair, that is EXACTLY what my hair looks like. After the weave it has only gotten thicker/curlier which is a total pain in my ass and it kills my arms. So, I decided to go to my stylist and get it straightened. Dont get me wrong, I loved it...for about 6 hours. If you know me *sweet smile* you know I am ALWAYS taking scissors to my own head, so naturally when I got home I CUT my hair. Because I work out so much, my hair always has mixed chicks in it and its thrown in a ponytail or bun--perhaps thats why no one noticed my hair? Since im A L M O S T!! as skinny as I need/want to be Ive actually been doing my hair and I guess people like it-highfives to my cutting skills. Next up Im dying it Jet black so that I can channel my inner Sarah Rosete. haha.

"The Audition"

2010-03-17T12:45:00.000-07:00

Monday night, Heather and I went out to support my amazingly talented :) good friend Shawn Chrystopher. "The Audition" listening party was held at the Standard on Sunset and it was definitely the place to be. I absolutely adore being around Shawn, never a dull moment with this kid. Whether he's crackin jokes, climbing across furniture, standing ON the furniture, holdin a bottle of that hennesy rappin along to his own shit...I love everything about this kid. Incase you didnt know The Audition drops March 23rd. ALSO, check out www.honourrolestudent.com

Just watch..

2010-03-12T21:16:00.001-08:00

This b*tch is amaze & Quentin Tarantino's P*ssy Wagon... there are no words. Lol LOVE

flashback

2010-03-12T11:23:00.000-08:00

Did anyone else have this obsession? Polly Pockets, I had like a kazillion of these. My cousin Chanel and I went everywhere with them and we were always losing Polly &/or her friends because they were so damn small. Im surprised there wasnt a Child Safety recall on these things, I definitely coulda swallowed polly and Im sure a few little girls probably did.
Cabbage Patch Kids were my favorite. When I was 12 (YES, I played with dolls until I was like 14)...I dunno what you other, fast ass little girls were doing. Around Christmas that year, Cabbage Patch released a doll, that actually ate little plastic foods (pictured to the left-Thank you google) and I HAD to have her. Christmas morning came, I got her, and didnt care about anything else. A few days later, some dumbass little girl decided to stick her hair in the dolls electronic moving mouth and there was a HUGE recall. My mom sat me down, told me what happened and said she thought it might be best, to return the doll. I think I may have thrown a fit. Something along the lines of, "Is this woman crazy?!" "You arent taking my doll back." "You'll have to kill me first." "Over my dead body!" "I love her way too much." "I promise I wont try to feed her my hair." I did try and stick my finger down her throat a few times though.
I lost all her little plastic foods and Im sure my brother Darian had something to do with that. BUT! I still have her :) along with over 200 beanie babies, Spice Girls barbie dolls, and a buncha other crap that I should probably "Let Go & Let God" as my mother would say.
xo

it knows me so well...

2010-03-09T14:42:00.000-08:00

Everytime I put my ipod on shuffle, it plays all the music that relates to how im feeling. Aside from my relationship issue and an other minor stress/worry, Ive had a pretty decent past 2 weeks. Since Saturday, I had been battling thee worst headache ever. When I tell you nothing helped, nothing helped. I know it's tension, I know its stress, and I know whats causing me to feel this way. Because I cried yesterday (thank you @ricacupcakes!) I guess, I was able release some of the tension/stress im feeling. I slept SO GOOD for once-I usually have restless, insomniatic nights. Regardless, I woke up without my headache. I was ready to start my day, stuck my ipod on my ihome, put it on shuffle, and BOOM! This happened...

It was followed by Mariah Carey: Underneath The stars. Out of over 3,000 songs... really? Funny thing is, I can't bring myself to delete any of the music that makes me feel this way.
♥

with a side of summer ;)

2010-03-09T12:23:00.000-08:00

I can taste the fun lil road trips to Havasu, Vegas, and Santa Barbara. The house parties, the roof diving, countless trips to the beach. Rollerblading, bike rides, and cruisin on a long board on Venice. Bon fires, night swimming, living in my bikini, really short shorts, rompers, and sandals! Surviving on water, sushi, salads, BBQ'D EVERYTHING, fresh fruit, popsicles, jamba juice and pinkberry. Farmers Market, Summer nights and of course an amazing tan is on it's way.

Summer is absolutely, without a doubt, my most favorite time of year. There is NEVER, a dull moment after memorial day through labor day. 2010 is already planned && me and my crew are Ret ta' go...

xo

Drives me NUTS!

2010-03-03T15:28:00.000-08:00

Our random moments. The way you would sit and stare at me, because you knew it got on my nerves. I miss "slowing down" time. The way you'd smile whenever you caught me staring at you. The hand holding, cuddling, hugging and the kissing. I love you/I miss you, texts. I miss long, pointless emails. I miss the way you knew when something was wrong and how you always tried to make it better. Stealing your basketball shorts. Sleeping in your tshirts. Wrestling, pillow fights, our real fights. I miss how you could make me laugh, like no one else. SPEECHLESS... I miss how sweet you are, right along with how much of an asshole you could be. Falling asleep in your arms and waking up hours later, just the same. I miss Giraffes and Pandas. I miss "DCBS" & saying, we're taking that to the grave! I miss our secrets and our inside jokes. I miss your stories. I miss being mad at you and you being mad at me. I miss making up way more though. I miss spending an entire day, doing absolutely nothing but being with you. I miss breakfast, cuz it's not the same. I miss our songs. Strawberry Surfriders. free throws & 3 pointers. I miss being "ridiculous" with you. I miss not making sense and you pretending to understand, regardless. I miss being "dangerously" in love with you. I miss you being mine and I miss being yours. I miss all of this stupid stuff, that used to mean so much and apparently still does.

But I HATE! this feeling.

I dont want to hear anything else...

2010-02-16T12:40:00.000-08:00

If you know me at all, you already know how I feel about this group. You already know that if they released a track, with them making fart noises with their armpits, I'd be all over it. You also already know that you can all keep your other girl groups, you can also keep Amber Rose, Beyonce, and Rihanna. I am all for Naomi Lee Allen!! In the words of the Bestie, when talking about her undying love for Amber Rose: "yeah, I said it!"

I just found out about this song yesterday and its all Ive been listening to, I cant get off this damn track. "When I see you, Im gonna lead you, down the path of ecstasy. If you dont believe me, imma be quiet and let my actions speak for me..." Perhaps, Im just going through some things *adjusts halo* but this song is perfect to me right now...*sigh*

Also the word on twitter (via @Cyboogie) is, green camouflage is makin a comeback...

"I miss you, I can't wait to kiss you"

2010-02-15T23:11:00.000-08:00

Im not too fond of valentines day. It is way too cliche for me and people get way too caught up in the superficialness of it. I did however, wake up to thee cutest email ever. Last time I checked, chocolate, teddy bears, flowers, balloons, & sex were available all year round. Girls act like- before and after the 14th, you can't get ANY of it. Like it's gonna go extinct orrr? Your coco only operates properly on this day...is your dudes junk gonna stop working?

I start feeling really bad for females who have gotten so caught up in what we've made the day out to be (yes i saw your tweets, it's 1 fricken day). If you got all the things you believed you were supposed to have, you wouldn't be such a depressing joy kill. If you have family or friends or pets, or dvr, or a vibrator or like one of those cool detachable shower head thingys, you have a valentine. Here, I'll share my Godiva with you.

I spent the majority of the day surrounded by my amazing family. Me, my mom, aunt, brothers, and cousins. And! The weather was absolutely perfect, that was really all I needed.

After a long day of quality time I got home around 9, walked into the lobby and *insert me cheesing right here* Thee boy is thee cutest thing ever! If whoever is reading this could see my smile right now. LOL! xo

Anyways, finally got in the house & The bestie/roomie/sister who I hadn't really seen or talked to in like 2 days was home. So we threw on our sweats, drank Ginger ale and Gatorade, ate soup, (bitches are sick) and talked til we fell asleep.

Everyone Loves love :) night xo

PS...the posting time for this entry was TOO perfect!

Rude Boy

2010-02-13T15:24:00.000-08:00

Let me be one of the first to say, I was sick when I heard "Rude Boy" on the radio a few days ago. *crosses fingers* please don't release G4L, please don't release G4L. Im always bummed when a song I really like hits radio & a video comes out, it makes me REALLY HATE the song. Thankfully none of the music channels play music videos anymore-*ahem* MTV what happened?? And its not like I even watch TV like that, so I can deal. But radio, It just sucks all the enjoyment out of it for me because they play the shit to DEATH. *pointing fingers at KiisFM.* No lie, they played the song about 3 times within 2 hours on Tuesday. Anyways, the video is way too f*ckin hot && I love a good performance/video... it definitely makes me appreciate the song a little bit more.

PS. ugh! & Thank you RiRi! now I have to go and make sure my "dutty wine" is on point. lol

xxx

2010-02-11T14:44:00.000-08:00

...when its good, its GREAT ;)

Do you mind being alone?

2010-02-06T16:25:00.000-08:00

Ever since I was little, I've liked being alone. I'm huge on personal space, self reflection, and all that other stuff. I appreciate something that most people my age know nothing about and can't even begin to understand. I'm not afraid of being by myself; I love doing things alone. I'll go to eat, the mall, and the movies, alone. I've always been independent in that way. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore my friends. I enjoy good conversation (cuz you can't really talk to yourself now can you?) I like company, I like going out and I'm actually a huge social butterfly. BUT! There's always a part of me, when I'm in that club on the weekend with my friends, wishing I could escape somewhere quick for a few minutes of aloneness. My mother always tells me it's because I'm a nervous wreck the majority of the time (I have extremely horrible anxiety) and this is how I keep myself from having panic attacks. Anyways! Living with someone other than my own family, has kinda been a task. I find myself fighting with-MYSELF! "Holly don't be rude!" Someone might associate my need/want to be alone with rudeness-especially if they aren't like this, most people my age ARENT like this. Any opportunity I get to just be at home and do nothing, I take it. At home with my family, putting my iPod on and completely tuning everyone out for an hour or 2 is completely normal, they understand. But here, with someone else, I realize that this is something I'm definitely going to have to work on. I totally just laughed at myself, this is completely prepapring me for the day I move in with a boyfriend or get married...

I guess I've found one more thing to tackle in 2010.

oo2

2010-02-03T21:20:00.001-08:00

So anyone reading this-who actually follows my blog, sorry for my lack of updates. They aren't really lacking, they're non existent. So, how about a quick update? Sometime in like, hm the first or 2nd week? Of January I met up/had lunch with THEE stylist Danielle "Digit" Miranda--if you don't know who that is, GOOGLE her && follow her on Twitter (@digittt) she's amazing- and I'll keep everyone posted on that ;)

My best friend aka my sister and I are now roomies :) We're a mess, a big beautiful mess! I'm like the momma and she's the child, even though shes older. She doesn't cook-she reheats...she doesnt even know how to cook, ive got some things to teach her. She doesn't like to clean & I LOVE to clean. She doesn't eat veggies so I have to force her! All she wants is soda, candy, guacamole, cheese, pasta, bagel bites, chicken nuggets, and coffee. But I love her just the same. I actually think that's why we work, cuz we're so different. But due to my dominate Scorpio ways, I love it. Those things (cooking, cleaning, taking care of people) they're my comfort zone-they put me at ease. I've never really been someone to verbally say "I love you" I actually have a really difficult time saying it aloud so I always just physically do things to show my love. MY POINT: I associate doing all of this stuff with love. It's how I express love, appreciation, and gratitude. After all I couldnt ask for a better best friend/sister.

In my New Years entry I talked about how I wasn't gonna talk about any of my resolutions, and just DO them. BUT because I'm freaking proud about this one FINALLY being accomplished, I'm going to discuss. Okay so ever since I've had teeth, Ive had a horrible disgusting nail biting habit-I'm always either anxious, nervous, or excited- so I chew these suckers. I had what you call-NUBS! & no matter how hard I tried I could not stop biting. I have tried everything; acrylics (worst shit ever, unless you want paper thin nails). Bad tasting polish, sitting on my hands, wearing gloves (this & braces is actually how I stopped my thumb sucking when I was....12-horrible right?) Toddlers had longer nails than me. In twenty ten, I finally stopped. I went cold turkey and just quit! Lol. I sound like a smoker or something. My nails are so long and so cute and perfectly manicured :) I just keep thinking about what color I'm going to polish them next. No lie, I polish them like every other day.

Today is my little miss Naomi Allen's birthday!! Happy Birthday love!! :) everyone reading this go visit her Twitter-@NaomiER, click follow, and send her cyber hugs & kisses & birthday wishes-cuz she's my favorite little fire cracker. xo

& i just realized that on Feb 9th my little angel Dominic turns 12. I cannot believe he's gonna be 12, he's growin up so fast, getting more and more gorgeous as the days go by, he's my little man and it's so crazy.

So I'm kinda sleepy...I'm gonna go lay down. OH! But before I do, can we talk about how I have a big blue ink stain on the heel of my left foot...I don't even know where it came from and I don't know how to get it off! I've scrubbed...I look dirty. I think I'm gonna put bleach on it. Lol

night
xo Hollystar

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up...

2010-02-02T21:31:00.000-08:00

If a guy punches you, he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs. Someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. --He's just not that into you

oo1

2010-02-02T21:08:00.000-08:00

"If you don't understand my silence, then you don't deserve my words."

my blog needs peek-churs

2010-01-07T15:46:00.000-08:00

in NO particular order
a certain gentleman had me feeling special
We party hard...and then we take naps
Megan&I
G4L besties
my little cousin
drink in my cup...ALWAYS
when life hands you lemons...grab some patron.
ALL BLACK EVRYTHING NYE Heather, Moi, Karrueche, erin
Just dance & sip champagne
Erin, Ashlie, Holly, Heather
Undisclosed location -_- Me&heather...and my BACK!
"are we sober here?"
Guys&Dolls....Holly, Heather, Rosalee, Erin, Desi
supporting our addiction...lol
Patron Shots at 3am!!!
"all I see is BLACK!"
"Holly, we have to take pictures before we leave"-NYE aka PROM.
3am Patron shots part 6..lmao
Ecco Mondays
WHO IS THIS GUY&WHY IS HIS HEAD IN OUR PICTURE!?
Tina, Heather, Me, My drink
whats happening here?
My ride or die & I
my last goodbye to twenty O'nine

20 things I realized.....

2010-01-06T16:36:00.001-08:00

1. Sometimes you have to do things that seem a little crazy.
2. Sometimes you have to drop everything you are doing, open your eyes and focus.
3. Sometimes you have to put the blackberry down (even if it's not by choice)
4. Sometimes you have to cut out all the socializing.
5. Sometimes you have to "miss out" on the fun things.
6. Sometimes you have to dissapear on EVERYONE!
7. Sometimes you have to be serious.
8. Sometimes you have to just do you and stop worrying about everyone else.
9. Sometimes you have to cut out all the what if's and the maybe's.
10. Sometimes you have to say this is what I WILL have and this is what I WILL do.
11. Sometimes you have to grow the fuck up and realize all the shit you are giving up-isn't life, it doesnt pay the bills, and is only a distraction.
12. Sometimes you have to stop questioning everything in general.
13. Sometimes you have to work hard...
14. Sometimes you have to be accept that you have to work hardER
15. Sometimes you have to struggle. Nothing worth having comes easy.
16. Sometimes you have to stop worrying yourself SO much.
17. Sometimes you have to remember that because this is life.. How boring would it be if everything just went smoothly ALL THE TIME.
18. Sometimes you have to go with the flow.
19. Sometimes you have to breathe
20. Sometimes you have to trust that you have figured it all out and it WILL be okay..

Im some place being productive....I'll be back

assured

2010-01-05T22:07:00.000-08:00

Just when a cloud had covered my sky entirely.
The rain, thunder, and lighting started to rumble.
I looked up and saw the silver lining...

twenty ten

2010-01-01T22:52:00.000-08:00

I totally missed out on the "End of 09" blog entry. I spent the last few nights of 2009 thinking of all the things my entry would and wouldn't say. Twenty Ten got here quicker than expected, I was totally not prepared to write an entry under the influence of Champagne and patron shots. Besides, I'm already a drunk tweeter-I don't need to cross over to drunk blogging...that would just add onto my list of hoodrat things.

Anyways. I firmly believe that how you bring your New Year in, kicks off how your entire year will be. Mission: Bring in the New year HAPPY & in good company. I was Dressed in "ALL BLACK EVERYTHING" just like the rest of my crew, surrounded by amazing friends, laughing, smiling, & sipping champagne. Mission: accomplished. OH! & my New years kiss uh-may-zing ;)

Obviously This entry is nothing I expected it to be. I figure the less I say, the better.

2010 is here, I've made my resolutions. I've set my mind on exactly what I want and exactly what kind of person I will/wont be this year. Rather than go into detail (stating the obvious) I'm not going to talk about it, I'm just going to be about it.

Happy New year xo Hollystar

numb..

2009-12-18T18:46:00.000-08:00

"I often wonder why I carry all this guilt, when it's you that helped me put up all these walls I've built.

Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same And I still remember how you kept me so afraid. Strength is my mother for all the love she gave & every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday & I'm ok..."

sunday smiles...

2009-12-13T13:36:00.000-08:00

I always read my horoscope. I used to wait until the end of the day to read it, just to see if it was right--and it USUALLY always is. Its different for me though because some days I'm a libra and some days I'm a scorpio- due to that whole cusp thing. The past 13 days of December I have without a doubt, been on my scorpio shit.

Today's Horoscope says: The pieces of the puzzle are falling into place. Don't give up. You're almost there.

You've got more than enough energy to take care of today's business -- and then either get ahead of the curve or kick back and have a blast! Whatever you choose should work out for the best.

I totally voted for kicking back & having a blast...

With that said, I'm devoting my day to, wii & xbox & my little brother Dominic...what's better than him!? Naaaahhhh-thiiiiiing

Today Im better...

2009-12-12T15:36:00.000-08:00

Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry

I woke up this morning & that's all that I care about. I'm getting through my day & I'm smiling, regardless. I don't care what MIGHT happen later in the day, I'm living for right now. I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

2009-12-11T23:53:00.000-08:00

I feel like taking a bat and breaking everything in my room. I feel like screaming. I feel like running away. I feel like turning off all the lights, laying in the middle of my floor & crying myself to sleep-again.

When it rains it pours, then a fucking tsunami hits. I don't even care to make sense with what I'm blogging right now-if you're reading this, I'm just as confused as you are. What I do know is, it has taken everything in me to NOT! Fuck fuck fuck fuck!!! I don't even know anymore. I'm just so, you know what? I'm in shock. I feel like I must have just been thee worst person in the world. I used to THINK I was a good person...I don't know though-Perhaps in another life? This ALL must be my karma.

The past 11 days have seriously been so horrible & every time I try to make things better-something ELSE happens. I already hate my life enough right now, how depressing can one persons life get?? And the confetti of THIS friday night is *drumroll please* Everything erased off my phone. I don't really care about the pictures of MYSELF! Its the pictures & videos of my little brother that I'm so upset about. I am without a doubt bad luck...I'm cursed. My chest is hurting, I'm going to sleep.

made me smile....

2009-12-10T18:26:00.001-08:00

http://www.extensions-plus.com/RelaxedRoots.html

& even through everything...

2009-12-09T12:44:00.000-08:00

@Hollystaaar I love love love love love love uuu -@heatherdolllove aka my best

Sooo like I checked on the internet for california laws....and just as I suspected...‎Its illegal for someone with a smile as beautiful as urs to not walk around and show it off all the time Whatever happened, don't even think abt it...today's a new day, start it off right...enjoy it, and make sure to smile...I don't wanna have to bail u outta jail...lol Shawn Chrystopher

@Hollystaaar nurture yourself and be patient... Make sure you feel. That's all that matters :) there's a time for everything u are - @NaomiER

Hey mama! Hope you feeling better. I hate to hear you are down. I just continue to pray things get better, and just know if I ever can help I will :) love ya lots! -Cyria

These amazing people make me smile & I adore them.

Fucking train wreck

2009-12-08T23:25:00.000-08:00

That's what I am.

I have way too many issues & I don't know how to deal with any of them anymore. Why do bad things keep happening to me? "Its God testing you" Hasn't he tested me enough? Haven't I been through enough shit for the 23 years of my life? I mean seriously, Why do I keep getting put through all these tests. I'm not strong enough & I can't deal with them anymore. I wish my problems weren't serious. I wish I could close my eyes and wake up to everything being okay. I wish someone would say "its gonna be okay," and know for a fact, that they were right.

Why is my life such a fucking problem?

TITLE?!

2009-12-07T14:57:00.000-08:00

I HATE when GROWN ass women say stuff like- "I can't stand females." "This is why I have NO female friends." "This is why I don't like females." If you have ever said any of the following in front of me, just know I laughed at you. If you are grown, have kids, got a baby on the way, been married, been divorced, pay bills, HELL! If you AREN'T a teenager-shut the the hell up with this bullshittery.

A. If you have a problem with EVERY female you come into contact with, honey its NOT them its YOU.
B. If you're the one stating this, chances are you also say shit like, "I only hang out with my circle of girls."
C. I bet there's 26 1/2 of ya'll in that "circle" and you're all about the same shit...so wtf are YOU saying.
D. ...You are too damn old to have drama like that.

On to my NEXT rant...

It is one thing to still have feelings for someone, I get that. It is another to be a sufferer of Psycho Ex girlfriend syndrome. PEGS is most commonly found in thirsty crazy bitches who have no self control whatsoever. You know, the chick who wants to make her ex's life a living hell. The girl who shows up to their ex's house on major holidays, trying to spend "family time." A PEG will make sure she is at every event-not because she wants to be there, but because she knows HE is going to be there. Heaven forbid this boy even so much as make eye contact with you, if you suffer from PEGS. In 2.5 seconds you'll be posting some sort of tweet, insinuating that ya'll are on the verge of getting back together.

It's one thing to not be over someone, I definitely understand that. I myself have been caught up on an ex, but to take it to that extreme where people may start to question my sanity...yes MORE than they already do....I just never got it.

Now I can understand if you're actually with a guy and a female is over stepping her boundaries. I'm a firm believer in keeping it classy-specially with the new year rollin around. At first I'm gonna be nice about it-but F*ck that 3 strike B.S. Darling you get 1 chance & if you don't get away from my dude-the tribe has spoken and we all decided, you're gonna need a neck brace.

People need to learn about respect and this goes right on back to PEGS. If your EX is now MY dude, its time to call it quits. Mariah Carey said it best: Its a wrap! Yes, your obnoxious bratty behavior/temper tantrum throwing may have been okay with other girls. Kudos to you for being that ridiculous.

But !! PEGS sufferers, I leave you with this: One day, you will come up against a girl who won't back down and who isn't afraid of you. A girl who isn't as nice as she looks, A girl who can see right through you and knows for a fact that your bark is way worse than your bite. Wait, can we even call it a bark? Hmm I think we'll call it a CHIRP. Anyways-you're gonna be faced with a girl, who right in the middle of your ridiculous behavior is going to stand up and pop you in your fucking mouth.

By T. D. Jakes: --But I did a little editing..

2009-12-01T15:30:00.000-08:00

When people can walk away from you: let them walk.. Don't try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. You've got to know when people's part in your story is over.

i just wanna be happy...

2009-11-25T19:11:00.002-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!! I've already cut my middle finger, burned my arm, and hit my head on the freezer door. Don't be in the fridge and have the freezer opened at the same time...it's got DANGER written all over it. Anyways, I decided to take a break from my baking duties and getting beat up by the kitchen to blog, so here it goes...

I feel like my blog, has turned into everything I didn't want it to be. Despite all the amazing things going on in my life and all the great people I have around me, I still manage to find something to complain about and it makes me feel really guilty. For someone who doesn't know me personally, they'd probably read my blog and think I was just this depressed person with a lot of problems. Believe it or not I never actually discuss my problems in real life to people. Believe it or not I'm actually the complete opposite! If you saw me in person and were around me long enough, you'd have no idea. I never let anything I'm feeling or going through reflect my personality in person. For example; would you have ever known that my mom, 2 brothers, and I lost everything, and along with all of that followed us being homeless for almost a year-and because its always just been my mom, brothers, and I - that is my ONLY family, its all I've ever known. When I finally do tell someone, their reaction is always "What!? No way" Hearing people who do know the situation, tell me how strong I am really made me look at things differently. I felt like after basically a year of hell, I'd be able to handle anything. So I just choose not to talk about things that may be bothering me because I feel like they aren't "real problems." Honestly, my problems are never real problems to me. But not letting it out in some way, shape or form will drive you crazy.

If you see me in person I'm always this bubbly, happy, silly girl. Which is why I'm a little frustrated with myself, I can't come to terms with how I've been able to overcome so much-serious, life altering shit. Yet I just can't get past, I don't even know WHAT we'll call this situation.

I don't mind blogging about what I'm feeling and I clearly don't mind the few people who do read it-reading it. Its the actual physical discussion of my issues with people, that freaks me out. I'm always afraid that if I try and confide in my friends, that I'm being a burden or being dramatic. I always say to myself "Holly it isn't that serious, you'll be fine." I know I shouldn't feel that way because your real friends, will always be there for you regardless of the circumstance. I have had people tell me that, they're always there if I do need to talk- its just really uncomfortable for me. I don't know how to express myself, I don't know how to handle my emotions PERIOD! That's probably why I can't have a real relationship with men. At the end of the day, only giving only 50% of myself just isn't going to cut it.

I don't advertise my blog, I only told a few people about it for certain reasons. When I did, I didn't expect my entries to take the turn they did, and I'm sorry for that. At the end of the day, this isn't the Holly anyone knows or is used to. But like I said, its easier for me to blog then to actually sit and talk to someone. Anyways, for the rest of the year I'm working on myself. I'm going to do is stop expecting everyone to let me help them with their problems, when I try to act like mine don't exist.

I need to be the Holly I am with everyone else, with myself...

Randomness. I LIKE/LOVE edition.

2009-11-23T20:43:00.000-08:00

-sitting outside early in the morning and just clearing my head

-at this moment, being single isn't so bad. Let's see how I feel tomorrow though.

-sketching/designing toward my future.

-staying productive & keeping busy

-My momma. Always. Always. Always.

-My "Feel Good* playlist on my ipod. I blast it every morning just to get my day started RIGHT.

-Oranges, avocados, cottage cheese, and Very Vanilla Soy milk. I consume these items atleast once a day.

-Biore facial products. Best crap EVER!

-SNAPPED, 90210, The Soup, Sex rehab with Dr. Drew, & Tough love

-Tequila&lime juice. Julien makes it the best :)

-The gym. But I had to take a few days off cuz I did something to my Sciatica?? --it hurt so bad to get out of bed in the morning. I couldn't even stand for too long. It was okay though because my hair's straight. Didn't wanna sweat it out

-TFLN & MLIA ---Google them both.

-The way my room smells because my love & luck body oil is spilling somewhere. I can't find it though. Okay I probably would find it if I actually attempted to look for it.

-Smiths Rosebud Salve or Qtica lip balm.

-my toes painted black. But I do miss my hot pinks and lime greens.

-naomileeallen.blogspot.com or @NaomiER (twitter) actually, I just love her in general, if you wanna know the truth.

-The extremely serious conversations I have with my friends.

-myself. Despite my last entry

The Truth?

2009-11-23T16:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Me,

You have a problem. One you've been dealing with for as long as you can remember. A few months ago you promised you were going to be strong. You wrote things down, you set a standard for yourself, you said you were going to do everything in your power to make sure that you didn't let your problem control your life. That was clearly easier said, than done, because here you are today contemplating things that you shouldn't be. You keep having these thoughts, and at any given moment you're going to relapse. So what are you going to do? Are you finally going to ask for help? Are you finally going to accept that you can't just make this go away all by yourself? I know you, you've never been this person who was scared to ask for help. So what is it about this particular circumstance that keeps you at a standstill? I already know, that you know none of the answers to these questions. After all, you never do.

Sincerely yourself.

& it kills me...

2009-11-09T17:09:00.000-08:00

I just had one the longest conversations ever & I took no prisoners. I'm probably one of the nicest people you will ever meet. I will forgive. forgive. forgive. But I can also be thee meanest person so you definitely don't want to try me. Like I stated before-words hurt, and I have a sharp tongue.

Today I said goodbye forever. I'm tired of upsets, I'm tired of being lied to, I'm tired of being let down, I'm tired of drama, I'm tired of immaturity, I'm tired of game playing, I'm tired of mind games, I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of hurting.
If being raised by my mother has taught me anything, its definitely that I do not need a man in my life to feel validated. When a person comes into your life and hurts you repeatedly and then chooses to disappear, leave them be. Don't try and fix things, don't try and reach out to them in hopes that things will get better. I set myself up
for disaster with this one and I do it every time. I just put so much trust, hope, and faith into people because I want to believe that people are genuine. I like to think that because I'm a nice person, who puts her heart and soul into everything I care about/love-that everyone I come into contact with, will do the same. Anyways, its time to let all that go because since I've brought him back into my life, all it's done is cause problems. I can't blame him, I blame myself. I wanted so bad for it to be perfect, I wanted so bad for him to love me the way he's supposed to-scratch that, you don't even have to love me! But at least respect me, treat me like a person.

I put up all these walls and I let them down for a select few. You know what I allow you to know, which is minor details compared to what you could learn. Don't let this internet bullshit fool you. 140 characters, an about me, and few blog entries its NOT my life-it's NO ONE'S life. Yes, it is a window and it can give you some sort of an idea on what a persons personality is like, but you DON'T "know" them.

...

2009-11-06T07:53:00.000-08:00

what you feel is what you are & what you are is beautiful

It's a new day and things will be better. To start it off right, I'm heading to the gym. I'm gonna workout real hard, sweat a lot and make it HURT real bad.

Survey says...

2009-11-02T16:29:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a great halloween!! This Year was full of win, heres a few pictures.
happy halloweeennniiieee
slutty the Lady bug & pocaHOTass
QUACK! woops
bestfriends forever and ever

when Im drunk I turn into a duck....sorry
peekaboooooo
the fact that Im like the sexiest thing EVER! in this picture
"scuse me mister penis guy, will you take a picture with us"

I didnt know what to blog about....so here's a survey. :)

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
-The closest "book" is ELLE Magazine...I'm not even going to open it because I know page 18 is probably some ad. Elle doesnt really start until page 88. lol

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?
-A framed collage that I made when I first moved in our new place.

3.Before you started this survey, what were you doing?
-I had just taken my ponytail down and shook my head.

4.What is the last thing you watched on TV?
-Last night I watched Sex Rehab with Dr.Drew

5.Without looking, guess what time it is
-It's 5:30pm...I'd already looked

6.Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
-5:30 pm :)

7.With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
-Tupac 2 of Amerikaz Most wanted feat Snoop. My little brother's giggles.

8.When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
-like 45 minutes ago. picking up my little brother from school

9.Did you dream last night?
-I dream every night

10.Do you remember your dreams?
-usually not right away, but before the day is over they do come to me.

11.When did you last laugh?
-like 5 minutes ago as I was walking out of my moms room. Shes a silly lady.

12.Do you remember why / at what?
-I told my mom it was dark and she asked me if I was sure....You had to be there.

13.What is on the walls of the room you are in?
-Defnitely NOT my Framed collages yet. BUT a picture I found in one of my old SHAPE magazines of Naomi Allen, shes my Body motivation + shes gorgeous!

14.Seen anything weird lately?
-I went to Rite Aid today and this lady who looked like Shanaynay from Martin (outfit and all) came in to buy liquor & cigs, with who Im SURE was her PIMP. Sexxxxxyyy ;)

15.What do you think of this quiz?
-I didnt know it was a quiz....I hope I pass.

16.What is the last film you saw?
-I watched Scary Movie 3 last night

17.If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
-Im such a California/Valley girl. Maybe New York?

18.If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
-I'd pay off my student loan, Then I'd buy myself a Range Rover, shoes.shoes.shoes. clothes.clothes.clothes.

19.Tell me something about you that most people don't know.
-Nobody realized it, but for about 2 weeks when I was 3 or 4 I walked around with my arm popped out of socket. I have been Circus freak Limber my whole life. I sucked my thumb while I slept, until I was 11. I used to play with my ears a lot (it was a comfort thing) and broke up all my cartlidge in the right one. NO MATTER WHAT! I always wake up with my hand sitting inside my pajama bottoms.(right at the top not in my underwear)like Al Bundy! lmao. Its comforting?

20.If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
-People wouldnt be allowed to kill/hurt other people. ESPECIALLY innocent children.

21.Do you like to dance?
-Of course I do!! I love to dance

22.Would you ever consider living abroad?
-Maybe for like school or something. Nothing Permanent & it depends on where youre sending me.

23.Does your name make any interesting anagrams?
nope. Its simply Holly L. Tanner.

24.Who made the last incoming call on your phone?
- mi papaaa

25.What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
-Music

26.Last time you swam in a pool?
-Pool? uh...don't remember. But on Labor Day I was in havasu in the Lake :)

27.Type of music you like most?
-Old school R&B definitely

28.Type of music you dislike most?
-Most of the new Rap.

29.Are you listening to music right now?
-I sure am

30.What color is your bedroom carpet?
-cream like? lol

31.If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?
- all I would do is, paint 1 of bedroom walls a bright ass color like every other week & put a stripper pole in my room.

32.What was the last thing you bought?
- passion fruit tea lemonade from Starbucks

33.Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?
-no

34.Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
-I sure would.

35.Do you have a garden?
-its between my legs. but "Pink Cheeks" got rid of all my grass :) LMAO!

36.Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
-Jose, can you see? lol OF COURSE I DO!

37.What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? -Thank you God.

38.If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?
-Naomi Allen. It'd be the greatest lunch EVER! we'd have sushi at Katsuya oooh or Nobu

39.Who sent the last text message you received?
-Brian

40.Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
-oh gosh, Intermix! *drools*

41.What time is bed time?
-whenever I pass out.

42.Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
-No.

43.How many tattoos do you have?
- ONE! But I want A LOT more. Including a half sleeve on my lower left arm.

44. -Didnt apply to me :)

45.What did you do for your last birthday?
-Dinner with a few friends and got way intoxicated.

46.Do you carry a donor card?
-Nope

47.Who was the last person you ate dinner with?
-October 23rd. TOO many people to name. Love you all :)

48.Is the glass half empty or half full?
-Half full

49.What's the farthest-away place you've been?
- AZ. how sad is my life for that?

50.When's the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
-probably NEVER

51.Have you ever won a trophy?
-in like preschool.

52.Are you a good cook?
-I sure the heck am! I love to cook, I can't wait to have a husband.

53.Do you know how to pump your own gas?
-why, yes, yes I do ;)SHAQ ATTACK! oh, jk....yeah I know how to pump my gas, your gas, ya daddy's gas.

54.If you could meet any one person (from history) who would it be?
-Dorothy Dandridge.

55.Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?
-YES! Catholic school-St Mary Magdalen

56.Do you touch-type?
-most of the time I do, but I have to be on a typing roll.

57.What's under your bed?
-sex toys & porn. KIDDING. Nothing. when you keep stuff under your bed, monsters come and get you.

58.Do you believe in love at first sight?
-No way. Its hard for me to love period. I have a lot of trust issues.

59.Think fast, what do you like right now?
-Peanut Butter cups & Ice cold water.

60.Where were you on Valentine's day?
-having a girls dinner with friends, talking about how much men suck!

61.What time do you get up?
-It depends on what my night was like. I usually try to drag my body out of bed no later than 10:30am

62.What was the name of your first pet?
-I was 5, his name was Rudy, he was a scottish terrier.

63.Who is the second to last person to call you?
-Brandon

64.Is there anything going on this weekend?
-Celebrating More Scorpio Birthdays.

65.How are you feeling right now?
-feeling good, feeling great, How are you?

66.What do you think about the most?
-Life. All the things I need to do. All the things I want to do.

67.What time do you get up in the morning?
-8:58am to a dead blackberry.

68.If you had A Big Win in the Lottery, how long would you wait to tell people?
-are you kidding? it'd be on twitter in 2.5 seconds.

69.Who would you tell first?
-whoever the hell follows me on twitter

70.What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema?
-The Hangover & The Proposal.

71.Do you sing in the shower?
-yes! I plug my iHome in a CRANK that shit. I even have a "shower" Playlist.

72. what happend to #72?

73.What do you do most when you are bored?
-Bored hasnt been in my vocabulary in I dont know HOW long. I'd probably sketch out some stuff for my swim line, write, sex?

74.What do you do for a living?
-GoGo Dance...

75.Do you love your job?
-yes I do.

76.What did you want to be when you grew up?
-I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies. When I grow up! I wanna see the world, drive nice cars, I wanna have groupies ;) I wanna be a designer & a Stylist.

77.If you could have any job, what would you want to do/be?
-lingerie & swimsuit designer.

78.Which came first the chicken or the egg?
-um Chicken

79.How many keys on your key ring?
-4

80.Where would you retire to?
-so how bout I get thru my 20's before we start talkin retirement.

81.What's your favorite color?
-CLEAR

82.What are your best physical features?
-I personally think my long torso & flat tummy are really great.

83.What are your best characteristics?
-Im hardworking, outgoing, energetic, reliable, and witty

84.If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
-somewhere warm, tropical, with white sand, pretty water, & drinks!

85.What are you doing right now?
-eating taffy & um??? THIS

86.What's the craziest thing you have ever done?
-called the police on my ex boyfriend and then a few days later, I had his car shot at. Don't let my lil valley ass fool you. Im cray-zeee.

87.What is your favorite time of the day?
-The afternoon. Thats when my face is fully awake.

88.Where did you grow up?
-Los Angeles California.

89.How far away from your birthplace do you live now?
I was born at Hollywood Presbyterian Medical & I live in Northridge...Idk you do the math?

90.What are you reading now?
-right now? this survey. Im about to read PUSH (Precious) though because I have to have it read before the movie comes out.

91.Are you a morning person or a night owl?
-Im both.

92.Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
-no! but I can touch your nose with my tongue.

93.Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?
-yeah Ive been raisin eyebrows since I was born. lol

94.Do you have pets?
-yes, my 2 younger brothers.

95.How many rings before you answer the phone?
-I hate the phone and will not answer anyone's phone calls unless I know it's like IMPORTANT.

96.What is your best childhood memory?
-Spice Girls concerts. DEFINITELY! Me and my friend Ally walking around talking with accents, & My Spice Girl Themed 12th Birthday.

97.What are some of the different jobs that you have had in your life?
-I worked at Maggie Moo's when I was 15...it was the "coldstones" of Porter Ranch. Jamba Juice (yummm grey goose smoothies). Forever 21. A Law Firm. The I worked at the Corporate Offices of Frankie B. Im not allowed to talk about my last job-that I was fired from. LOL! But it's initials are E.P. and they sell hair extensions. If you figure it out, GO there and tell them HOLLY sent you :)

98.Any new and exciting things that you would like to share?
-seriously, youre grasping with the questions.

99.What is most important in life?
-God, Family, My happiness, SUCCESS!!

100.What Inspires You?
-God. Positivity. Other Hardworking/driven Successful WOMEN. My shopping addiction.

shwaaassttteddddd....

2009-10-27T16:48:00.000-07:00

So yesterday around 8:30am I woke up from my blacked out drunken coma! In my friends car, in front of a strange house. Apparently I was trying to fight anyone who attempted to touch me, so they were smart for leaving me alone. I'm super strong when I'm drunk. All I remember about the night before is, telling Tiffany "I'm gonna barf!" And running to the bathroom, a bouncer putting bags of ice all over my body and constantly yelling my name SO LOUD! to make sure I was still conscious. All I could do was moan and say no. I'm definitely a moaner. Oh! And someone kept forcing water down my throat. I'm saying RIP to Absolute, My Paris Hilton perfume, & sugar free redbull. The sight and smell makes my tummy do flips. Eeekkk.

I slept all day yesterday & it felt amazing. Finally got home around midnight and got into a fight with my front door. My key ring broke and my keys went flying everywhere. I stood there a few minutes, a little frustrated, then realized-I was using the wrong key! Got inside and ran to the kitchen for the biggest glass of water, chugged it & shot to my bedroom! Only to find out I'd be spending the night with my little brother, who was bundled up in my bed. He kicked me and smacked me in the face like 5 times in his sleep. This definitely cannot happen anymore, he has his own room!

I woke up super early this morning, like 6am. I felt as light as a feather, and I was craving red beans and rice before ANYTHING! I had to have them. So I waited and my mom made them. Then I had a bowl of cereal, then I had string cheese, a baked potato, then I had a burrito, then a slice of cake. Right now I just finished eating a meatball sub. I don't even like half this crap on a regular basis. I feel really unhealthy. Yeah so, uh GYM tomorrow. Definitely need to work off my pregnancy cravings.

everyone in my life is AMAZING

2009-10-25T15:55:00.000-07:00

I have the BEST people in my life, how'd I get so lucky?

Thanks to Cyria, Naomi Allen (YES!! Theeeee Naomi Allen) and those 3 shots of patron B.D.C and his friends gave me-my birthday officially began on Thursday! Cyria went to see ER perform and I'd sent Naomi a message for Cyria to show her during the meet & greet. After the show Naomi BBM'd me thee sweetest response ever! Of course I cried, liquor does that to me lol. But it really was such a huge deal to me because SOME celebrities would of been like "oh that's nice! Tell her Thanks." My birthday at that point had REALLY been made! But THEN Lesley, Binkie, & Naomi all sent me birthday wishes via twitter, so my whole year has been made, UNLESS-they perform in LA and I actually get to see/meet them personally. Thank you ladies SO much!! Oh, and thank you to Cyria's spare battery-for without YOU! none of this would have been possible. Lol

We celebrated my 23rd birthday on Friday at Ketchup on Sunset. My friends truly spoiled me and gave me WAY too much liquor and sweet potato fries. OF course Margaret & Tiffany giving me SHOTS after I was already gone. Lol :) THANK YOU! To all my amazing friends who celebrated with me and EVERYONE who took time out to send me birthday wishes. I love you all to pieces --

Saturday morning I was still drunk until around...no nevermind I was still drunk the whole day. I have the lowest tolerance in the world & to top it off I have not gone THAT hard in a minute. Needless to say, previous plans got canceled and I spent a wonderful evening with mister B.D.C

Because I cannot HANG! I was friggen exhausted this morning and couldn't get out of bed or really open my eyes until 12:48pm. It's safe to say, my body is angry with me. I stood up and it nearly collapsed from underneath me, not to mention I can feel alcohol in my tummy. How I have NOT, thrown up is beyond me.

But I'm ready to rev it up again! Tonight my heart belongs to Guys & Dolls, my body/liver/stomach is going to be so happy when this is all over with. LOL

Once again THANK YOU to everyone for making me feel so special. xo

OH!!! and I want to send a very special Happy Birthday to Devon. She said goodbye to her teens today--YAY 20!! Shirley temples for everyoneeee!! Haha :)

what happend to my blog!?

2009-10-21T11:21:00.000-07:00

This is all I got....

-I'd completed a total of 20 sketches for part of my swim portfolio. I was loving them & then I got another idea! So of course my indecisive ass is starting over. But I'm definitely keeping my first set of flats & possibly, using them in the future? Who knows.

- The past 2 weeks have been HELL week in the gym. Nothing says "hard core gangsta buff" like working out until everything is DRENCHED, my legs are shaking, my heart pounding, I'm flustered, and panting. Where the hells my orgasm!? Oh, just kidding. By the way, I have absolutely NO upper body strength. Watching me try to do a push up is probably the funniest thing on the face on the planet.

-I'll be 23 on FRIDAY!! The 23rd of October. All I want is: funfetti cupcakes, alcohol, a killer dj so I can dance all night long, a tiara, my closest friends, tons of laughs, drunk tweets-its a given, and pictures to capture every single moment.

-I have extremely bad anxiety. I used to be on medication for it-but then it got so bad my doctor tried to give me anti depressants. My mother and I were NOT having that shit. That medication really alters a persons personality and it totally fucked with my head. So I stopped taking them all together. Its been a like 2 years and I've been fine. I always tell myself, "its all mental." If I feel an attack coming on, I will drop everything I'm doing so I can just clear my head-THAT'S a little hard to do if they hit while you're sleeping. Yes, my anxiety has started getting me in my sleep. NO BUENO! Whatever I'm subconsciously thinking about, I really need to figure it out, so that this can cease.

-Speaking of sleeping, I think I have baby fever. I am dreaming about people having babies. Me having a baby. I melt! When I see babies. I'm like craving a baby. This coming from the girl who never wanted kids. I need to be kicked in the head one good time.

- dun dun duuuuuuun....I think I may possibly kinda sorta really like this guy-who likes me. *sigh* he is the cutest & sweetest thing in thee world. He too, makes me melt.

Okay, lunch time. bye :)

Ke$ha: Tik Tok

2009-10-14T23:12:00.000-07:00

This girl is so fucking badass. Im way in love with this song/video and one titled Chain Reaction that I'd heard by her earlier this year. Not to mention her style is hot! along with her swagger.

holla.

& this is what Im made of....

2009-10-14T20:15:00.000-07:00

Does anyone remember when Raven Symone had her first album back in like 1993? *raises hand* I sure do. At 6 years old, I wanted to be Raven Symone so fricken bad! nobody could tell me NOTHIN! She was my hero. She was 6 years old, doing a music video, she was already on tv, she was "driving" a red jeep, rocking baggy ass clothes & rapping. Between Raven, Aaliyah (Aaliyah had a jeep tooooo lol), and TLC- man, my mom never heard the end of it.

So speaking of TLC & back in the day...
These 3 girls. are the reason I had to have Dr. Martens. Omigosh and of course, scrunchy socks...hellooooo.

When I was just a little tyke, I used to rock my high top army green Dr Martens on the playground with everything. Recess and lunch was crucial with all the kickball action, hoola hooping, monkey bar climbin, and freeze tag playing. Now, here we are A LOT! of years later and Im ready to purchase a pair of these asap.

hmmmm maybe I want this color...

The thing about Dr Martens is, they didnt get cute to me until they were fully broken in. Yeah, at like 6 years old I was begging my mom to let me go out and play in them on the weekends BEFORE, I even wore them to school so that they would look "cooler." looks like I'll be hitting the park and the Monkey bars to break em in. oh crap! maybe I want white.

TFLN

2009-10-14T00:09:00.000-07:00

I have been in bed the majority of the day, in and out of sleep. My body aches, I have chills, my head hurts, my body feels like its on fire and I think I feel a sore throat coming on. Ick! I guess I should make a doctors appointment, because crawling to and from my bathroom isn't gonna work.

I have been really unproductive today. As much as I hate that feeling, I know its God telling to sit my butt down and just rest.

The Highlight of my day has been "Texts from last night," hooray for the blackberry application. Anyways if you haven't heard about this, its a website where ppl submit I guess drunk texts they receive, drunk texts they make up, or drunk things the do. There's actually a few faded ones in there too. Some of them are way too hilarious and remind me of my crazy best friend and I. Here's a few:

-(831): my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.

-(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

-(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

-(434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
(540): you decided you wanted to name them and keep them as pets.

-(760): I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.

-(206): I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner

-(954): I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.

-(661): Hahahahaaa mmmmmm vibrator

LMAO- goodnight oorr good morning :)

So Good....

2009-10-09T19:53:00.000-07:00

mmmhmmm These wonderfully amazing women, are back in the studio working on their 2nd album. eeekkkkkk I could not me more fucking pumped!
I say this every day, to everyone, everywhere I go and I dont plan on stopping anytime soon. Electrik Red, is most definitely!!! Thee fucking best girl group right now & will be for a LONG time. The first time I heard their song "So good" I was watching mtv hits and the video came on. Because Im a little special, the bright colors splattered everywhere were what originally caught my attention. In between thinking "what a cute video," I would occasionally pay closer attention to their faces. The more I looked, the more I realized "these girls look so familiar." Only to later on figure out, they had been featured in some of thee hottest videos around and gone on some of the hottest tours. After hearing So good, Drink in my Cup, and seeing a performance for "P is for power" on their Youtube channel-I was hooked and could not WAIT for their album release. --Shout outs to google & myspace & youtube, you caused this addiction.

I play this CD like 50 times a day. I mean, I blast it to the point where, my female neighbor might have gotten a little upset and decided to play that horrid RichGirl song for about 5 hrs straight. You know, the one thats like 4 minutes long, and all 5 or 6 of them had to get a chance to prove that they can whine-I mean sing, so we had to hear the same shit for like 5 or 6 verses. OH MY GAWD. Thankfully with Electrik Red, that isnt the case. Every song on the album has amazing lyrics. Be advised: On your first listen, you will be picking up your jaw off the ground. "Woah Woah... did she just say what I THINK! she said?" Oh yes boys and girls, Electrik Red goes there. I am happy to say, I support a group of 4 amazingly smart, talented & beautiful women. I am happy to say that the women in my favorite group - ALL, know how to sing & dance as well as just be all around bomb ass fucking bitches.
If you havent done so already. Buy the Album! Swipe the card. Just do yourself that favor. You will not be dissapointed.

Anyways To sum my day up.

-A HAPPY 9:27am wake up call. How that happend? I'll never know, I had only fallen asleep at 5:34am
-Cleaning my closet. I messed it up again like 10 minutes later looking for a shirt.
-Bill paying. Nothing says, I love responsibility more than bill paying :) or maybe it was, Nothing says, I love being BROKE! More than bill paying.
-2 bank runs. I will never go to the B of A I went to EVER again in life. The guys who work their acted like they had never seen a girl before. Straight WOLVES!
-Lunch with buba. also known as my father. sushi. miso soup. thai tea. aloe vera water. && then a stroll through the park.
-Tried to go in CVS without my father, but he followed me in. Then all the way to the tampon section. I walk up to checkout to purchase my one item and he asked me "what are those for." really loudly. The male cashier found this hysterical. My response: are you two done?-- Oh by the way, PERIOD! where the hell are you!? you were due on the 3rd.
-2 1/2 hour gym session. Drenched Drenched Drenched. Sore Sore Sore. LOVE LOVE LOVE!
-nice hot shower
-twitter&bbm harassment
-& now time to do some sketches, listen to some music, and scheme scheme. plot plot. til around 5am.

Peace

gimmie gimmie gimmie

2009-10-08T15:29:00.000-07:00

When we go from summer to fall, I get too hyped. The change from blistering heat to crisp cool, means I get to add more to my wardrobe and what girl is going to complain about that? My weakness this year is definitely shoes. shoes. shoes. If you are reading, and you do follow my twitter you probably saw last month sometime, I got twitpic happy and tweeted every damn page out of the September issue of ELLE magazine. I swear I opened that magazine and had an orgasim that almost caused a heart attack and sudden death. Armani, YSL, Cesare Paciotti, BEBE, Louboutin, Cole Haan, Brian Atwood, Alexander McQueen, & THERES WAY MORE!! Ah let me stop, Im having flashbacks! *waits for heart rate to go back to normal* But I will say this, shoes might as well be all us ladies wear, specially when you are rocking ANY of these designers.

As amazing as those all are and as rich as I am NOT! The Calypso by Louboutin is all that Im really after, gotta have em ASAP. Unfortunately I couldnt find a picture, But if you are curious--visit the site.The Collection: Total Madness & They are similar to the ones seen here, but instead of red, the shoe is covered in black with a blue toe, and of course a red bottom.

on to more realistic wants!

So after last years little rain storm that dooped my ass, left streets flooded, my hair effed, and me soaked to the point where it looked like I had dove in a swimming pool fully clothed-on more than one occasion. I have decided to invest in an UMBRELLA! as well as one of these;

Normally the sight of a trench coat makes me cringe. I automatically think straight jacket! My reaction might have you thinking I was once stuck in a room with mattress walls. I saw this BEBE Trench and said to myself, "self, my mom is going to be so fricken happy when I purchase this."

I also need in no particular order, everything pictured here:

~adios

Birthday countdown

2009-10-07T22:23:00.000-07:00

Im not sure how a countdown begins on a Wednesday, but whatever. October 23, 2009, will mark the 23rd year of my life and for once Im excited! September-October are always a really bad time for me, and usually in October it hits the hardest. Within these two months I dont want to do anything I dont have to. This means, I basically end my life...I know that sounds really horrible but I only say it because thats what Im doing. I stop laughing, I stop smiling, I dont want to socialize-which means Im definitely NOT going out anywhere I dont have to, and I get really quiet, I flat out shut down. I wish I could say for the other 10 months Im always, always fine, but unfortunately thats not the case. Im just able to control myself more.

I am happy to say, I made it through all of September and I fully intend on trying my hardest to make it through all of October. 2009 will be the first time in a LONG time, that I have not let My September and my October be controlled by my anorexia. --It's weird seeing that typed there because my ed is never something I talk about and I probably won't mention it anymore.

On to a less dramatic issue. I have been working like a freaking robot, to get my Lingerie & swimwear line up and going. I had a name picked out and everything! But once I start designing, I get so insane, I just change my mind. All of my designs are almost done and I could not be more pleased with myself, I busted my ass. Im looking forward to my samples being made and putting my NEW portfolio together. And although the countless hours on illustrator will probably have me blind in no time, I won't stop. On top of all of this, I have already started my next project with my good friend Bionca Drew. http://www.vibrantdoll.com/ -- the site isnt full up yet, but it's all a work in progress. Bitchesss are grinding. Wahooo

ANYWAYS! better updates to come I guess & if not, there's always my twitter :) thanks for reading.

www.twitter.com/hollystaaar

p.s BBM 5.0 (the LEGAL download off the real blackberry.com website) is AMAZING! and um 2010 hurry !! xo.

It's a wrap

2009-10-01T18:05:00.000-07:00

So I decided to come back into the blogging game. This! should be an interesting situation. I've always treated my blogs the exact same way I treat my men. Got them, used em for a little while ;) deleted them, or just sort of forgot about them all together. But with the new year arriving and this whole "growing up" thing. I decided its time to take blogs and at least one man, a little more seriously. Also, lets just say things in my life got a whole lot more blog worthy.

We're finally in October and let me be the first to say, I could not be any happier that 2009 is ending. I'm sure this year wasn't a total disaster...I know I had upsides in there somewhere. Unfortunately, I can't recall too many due to the fact that the negative outweighed a lot of the positives-but that's another topic, for another day, and lots of tissues. Anyways, Im truly looking forward to 2010 and it is so close I can taste it in my spit. let the good times roll, Im ready for new adventures, amazing fun, more friends, great memories, lots of laughter, and possibly a romance in the works? ha! im not making any promises. BUT I will say this: 2010 is without a doubt going to be MY year.

I never know where to start, and my first entry is always a little lame. Trust, that In due time this blog will be filled with more than you can handle. But in the mean time, in between time-you can always follow me on twitter ( www.twitter.com/hollystaaar ) stick your tongue in a couple of my tweets to get a little taste of what you're in for. lol

With that said, my blackberry and work are calling my name. muah.